"If I wasn't shy

I'd burn all the uniforms

I'd burn all the 'Ask Me' buttons

I'd burn all the intercoms

I'd burn all the time clock cards

If I wasn't shy

I'd steal somebody's Cadillac

I'd steal anything I lack

I'd steal all the microphones

from all the masters of ceremony

If I wasn't shy

I'd ask you, if you don't mind,

to kiss you a hundred times"

They Might Be Giants, "If I Wasn't Shy"

*******

"I know I'm a fool when I rave and rant

Won't recant

Wish to be cool, but I can't

Oh no, I can't"

-Gas Huffer, "Hacked"

I got these from Andrew Wagster, who has a lot in common with me. But I'm not nearly as prolific or funny.