Well. This just sucks. Once again Dame Fate has fucked me over. My ride for the Columbia show tomorrow said he had to attend an important study session for a class he is doing poorly in. Hey, objectively speaking, it may very well be 100% legitimate, and furthermore it's his prerogative to decide not to go (that's how it is being at the mercy of other people's whims when you can't drive).

So I made an awkward call that turned into a half-hearted conversation with a sweet woman I haven't talked to in a while, for which I felt guilty, to see if she or anyone she knows is going. I hate searching for people and begging for rides like that. It's so humiliating. Public transport I'm not even really considering; far too expensive and there's such an air of desperation about it. I posted to Opium, but just as a last-ditch effort, and it'll make me check my e-mail more compulsively than usual, trying not to get my hopes up; that's a harrowing feeling, trying not to hope too much.

I think I'll just sit here and cry like an idiot. Maybe I can fuck up my sinuses and get another sinus infection; wouldn't that be great? Gosh, I guess now I can go in to the magazine tomorrow and get my work done. Lucky me.

Look, if you happen to be thinking It's only a concert, girl, damn, believe me, I know. I know it shouldn't matter in the Great Scheme of Things. I am just venting right now. I'll be over it. It's not like it's Dock Street (may nothing be like Dock Street ever again, thanks). My inner child, which is remarkably evident from the outside, is wailing about how incredibly unfair this six months of waiting is (my inner child and I have a taste for the dramatic) and is afraid that the quote-unquote *magic* I associate with Jump shows is withering away from disuse, and thinking of how much I wanted to see my friends and spend time with them. Oh, I think I'm just babbling. But I know it's a silly thing. I am still upset. I am still wondering why these little cruelties happen.

So, what is the message here, if any? To stop trying to go to Jump shows? I hope not. To learn to drive? Okay, driving in Atlanta is no fun if you are neurotic and have a good imagination and are a spaz. Plus, I don't have any money for a car yet.

Yeah, I know there are a lot worse things in the world to get upset about. The little things that are almost within your grasp but for a twist of fate are sometimes pretty bad. So, cut me a break.

This is where some people would apologize for such a boring/dramatic/pointless entry. I am not those people.